"Ellia has been my ROCK. Through the hardest time of my life (right now). She has never let me down, never left me alone, she's been right by my side, emotionally, spiritually, and physically."
BRAINSPOTTING IS A REVOLUTIONARY BRAIN-BODY-BASED THERAPY THAT IS HIGHLY EFFECTIVE IN THE TREATMENT OF TRAUMA, PTSD, AND MOOD DISORDERS.
There are 1 to 4 quadrillion connections in your brain. More than the stars in the universe. The idea behind brainspotting is to access memory, emotions, somatic experiences, and information residing deep within the brain and body. Cognitive therapy can make accessing deep emotional pain difficult. Brainspotting involves the use of the body, the sensory systems, and the visual field to identify, process, and release:
Issues or triggers that are emotionally charged or dysregulated
Stress and related symptoms of anxiety or depression
Effective treatments for generalized anxiety disorder
Brainspotting for PTSD compared to EMDR Therapy
The Medical Hypothesis of Brainspotting
Who does Brainspotting work with?
A therapeutic disclosure (or clinical disclosure) is a factual account of the addict’s sexual history, prepared in advance.
Due to the addict’s fear and shame, this inevitably ends up with a staggering disclosure, over months or years, filled with lies and half-truths. Each time new information is revealed it magnifies the trauma caused to the partner after the initial discovery of the addiction.
The betrayal hurts more than we can ever put into words. But partners of sex addicts agree almost unanimously, the only thing that hurts worse is the lies. This is why I advocate for a therapeutic disclosure to be done sooner rather than later, assuming the acting out has stopped, recovery activities have begun, and the couple wants to try to save the relationship.
The Disclosure Process includes 12-15 coaching sessions before Disclosure, four days with two coaches or counselors assisting through the disclosure process, and rebuilding following disclosure.
Disclosures are usually done with a polygraph.
BOOKS FOR DISCLOSURES
Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal
Full Disclosure: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal - Volume Two for Partners: Preparing for Disclosure on Your Terms
1:1 Betrayal Trauma Coaching
Your hope for a better future is greatly diminished when betrayal has deeply affected your life. With betrayed, the impact is often excruciating, causing depression, anger, confusion, and grief. Sexual betrayal can look like infidelity or affairs, sexual addiction, or emotional abuse.
These situations can often leave someone feeling alone and unsure of where to turn for support. While the restoration of a relationship can certainly be a goal, it's imperative that it not be the only focus. You can begin to move forward in your life by recognizing your value and worth apart from others. However, a safe place is essential for processing the many effects of this betrayal.
An effective coaching process can help you reclaim your own life, find your voice, take positive actions, and achieve emotional balance. As with coaching, the path to clear progress begins with defining goals. After each session, you will receive your action plan for the week via email to ensure that progress is made.
Teens & Adult Children of Addicts
Mentorship & Life Coaching for Teens & Young Adults (Ages 17 - 25)
It is between the ages of 18 and 24 that people make their first pivotal life decisions. It is possible for young adults to make misinformed decisions, both personally and professionally, if they are not given the proper guidance and assistance. It is impossible to grow, succeed, or live without someone else's influence.
As a result of coaching, they can take advantage of opportunities and talents more effectively. In my role as a mentor, I can help them identify and maximize their unique skills and talents and help them stay on track and achieve their goals. It is also possible for me to be a "sounding board" for ideas and problems, and I can assist with the execution of these ideas and offer guidance on how to deal with tricky situations.
Young adults are less likely to derail completely from their goals and aspirations with my support as their coach, friend, critic, advocate, and helper. Similarly, whereas the mentoring file is broad, a young person may choose to work on specific goals, such as overcoming a challenging relationship or progressing in a career/education.
1:1 Betrayal Trauma Support Group for Female Partners/Parents of Transitional Spouses
You may have just discovered your partner/parent is transgender. You might be feeling many conflicting and intense emotions. You may be only a few days removed from discovery or disclosure, or you may be a few years out. Regardless, there can be immense grief and confusion. It can feel like the death of someone without the closure of a funeral. I define this as an ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss is a term used to describe a type of loss where there is no closure or understanding as to why the loss occurred. It is a type of grief that can be felt in a variety of circumstances, such as when a loved one is missing, sexual betrayal trauma, a relationship has ended, a person is suffering from a chronic illness, or a major life change occurs. It is associated with feelings of confusion, uncertainty, and helplessness, and can be difficult to cope with.
If you are struggling with ambiguous loss, it is important to reach out for support from friends, family, and mental health professionals. Working through the loss with the help of a professional can help you to gain some closure and peace of mind to move forward and find joy in your life.
*Feel free to reach out and hear my story of growing up with a transitioning father.
Sessions are 50 minutes long, held virtually, and occur 3-4x per month based on your specific needs.
I do offer a sliding scale and bundle discounts. If you are in a financial crisis contact me. We will work something out to get you the help you need.
"I was suffering from a betrayal; anger, hurt, self-loathing were my life. I had attended 90 days of Affair Recovery; had sought healing through several courses and was still lost in the flood of emotions. Then I had the opportunity to speak with Ellia. Our conversations have taken place throughout texting back and forth, and through this mode of communication; Ellia was able to help me come back from drowning. She threw me a lifeline I didn't know I needed. She was able to help me find peace and discover the real reasons for my fighting for something that was unhealthy. She is authentic, non-judgmental, and forthcoming with her own experience which added to my ability to be vulnerable with her as a person and a coach. I would recommend Ellia to anyone who felt lost or like they were drowning, even if distance means having to seek support through text."
"I worked with Ellia for 5 months and learned so many critical emotional and mental health skills. She has a lot of wisdom to share and is empathetic and kind as well as knowledgeable."
"Ellia Marcum is truly one of the best. I've had a few counselors but by far got the most out of my talks with Ellia. She's very empathetic and understanding, when you're with her it is a judgement-FREE zone. She faces problems head-on, working with you to make sure you're comfortable, but challenged. Her advice is very straightforward, no beating around the bush, and so encouraging. I've never known Ellia to tear a single person down, one of her best qualities is the ability to make everyone feel welcome and appreciated. I would recommend her to anyone looking for a life coach who will listen to you, and offer their best to help you."
Ellia Marcum is a group facilitator through Living-Truth, a not-for-profit Christian ministry. They offer online groups for both men, women, and couples. Additionally, they host healing retreats and workshops.
If you are interested in joining a small group, sign up to receive email notifications. Email updates will give first access when they open registration for groups and information on workshops and other ways to connect with people in similar situations.
*This is the group I attended during my husband's affair, and I fully endorse them. They are a blessing.
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